Love At A Distance: Keys To Making It Work Despite Obstacles

Suppose you have a distant romance; Then the question arises: what do I do falling in love with someone who lives 15 hours away by plane, 9,858 km away, 8 time zones apart? Things that happen, but beware, not to just anyone or by chance: long-distance relationships are not for everyone.

What about?

Technology. Without a doubt, it is the resource that allows us to get closer. The risk? That it becomes an absolute dependence and we are 24/7 pending to be connected, to believe that, to sustain the relationship, the messages must be continuous, without measure or schedules. And suddenly, the other is not there, does not answer, disconnects, and the ghosts appear: “He must have someone else there,” “he no longer likes me so much,” “he is online, and he does not speak to me” … If he is ‘online,’ if he pinned you the check, if he did not look at your status, if he wrote you in capital letters, none indicates that the other person is with another person. For this reason, technology in a distance partner is everything, as long as it is used in favor. Summary: not so much “marathon talk” and more quality dialogue.

What drives away?

Lack of physical contact. “You cannot live on love,” and it is as-is. Although cute words are the order of the day in this type of bond, nothing can replace a bear hug and a caress marathon with a happy ending. Of course, there are virtual methods, applications, and dinners in today’s globalized world by a video call from two opposite points of the planet, cybersex, but is it enough? I leave it up to you. Being positive, we can rely on the opportunity that occurs in a long-distance relationship: attraction + obstacle = passion fire. How would this be? The simple rule of three: the more remote and inaccessible, the more desires. Pure mathematics.

The lack of daily life. There are fiery reunions, OK, but nobody warned you of the goodbyes to seas of tears. She gets sick, and who comes to make tea? They invite you to a wedding and who are you going with? Is everything so rosy, or do gaps appear in the newspaper that begins to make noise?

Key Questions

  1. ‘Where am I?’ Will I be the one who receives or the one who leaves everything?

One of the two gives up his environment, feels that he is making a sacrifice, and the other will have to take charge of supporting the one who leaves everything. This is one of the most difficult situations.

  1. ‘How does this happen?’

When you are in a relationship, if you want to prolong it, you have to know what the goal is and what means and resources you have to carry it out. Again, it is different from being on the side of those who leave than those who receive. It is not that simple because, in each case, there would be a different scenario. The important thing is to plan how this would happen.

  1. ‘Am I willing?’

Trying to identify with the future situation means moving in the imagination and perceiving how one feels with the change of life. It is one thing if the move is determined by causes unrelated to the relationship (work, health, quality of life, etc.). Another thing is that it occurs exclusively by the couple. They are two very different things.

  1. ‘How do I see myself living in another place?’

Not just thinking about the relationship, but the whole context. Change of customs, environment … and the family, friends, and other relationships that one has could suffer and a lot. If you are in the recipient’s place, one would have to take care of replacing almost everything that the other left. If you decide to go live where your love is, it is good to understand that you are going as a creditor and that, perhaps, you find yourself claiming things that the other cannot give.

4 Things On Love That Your Friends Have Taught You

My friends are a great treasure in my life. Without them, I would not be the person I am today. Both those who have known and accompanied me since I was a child and those that I have been incorporating into my life later, are one of the fundamental pillars of my person. And they are the chosen family, with whom I know I can always count on.

So much so that my friends are and have been my best advisers. Each of us is different, and our different points of view and life experiences mean that we can offer different advice. The same thing happens to my colleagues from Jared, and that is why we all usually go to our friends for advice. This includes love and, as sharing is living, here we tell you some of the best advice on the love that our friends have given us.

Don’t go out of your way for someone who doesn’t fight for you

Surely many of us have found ourselves going out of our way and trying to maintain a relationship with someone who does not make the same effort. When Anna found herself “rowing alone in a long relationship that refused to accept that she was already dead,” her friends gave her this advice.

And it is that love is two-way, and efforts must be shared. Sometimes, out of love, we cling to someone who, for whatever reason, can no longer give us what we need. We all deserve to be in a relationship in which the effort and affection are the same for both parties.

May happiness always weigh more on you than history

A Pepa, her friends, gave this advice when he was in one of those moments. And they were right, the history we have with a person cannot weigh on our current happiness. What’s more, it should serve as a guide. And it is that, if we were happy and we are no longer happy, our history together does not deserve to be tinged with resentment and disaffection just for fear of ending it.

Relationships should be easy: complicated things from the beginning never quite work out

We are usually taught from childhood that we have to fight for love and that, for the loved one, we have to make an effort. Besides, romantic movies teach us to romanticize difficult or complicated relationships. With our effort and sacrifice, we will be able to change the other person or make the relationship work.

The reality is that love and relationships shouldn’t be difficult, which Charlie’s friends have taught her. Of course, all relationships go through complications, but it shouldn’t be difficult and complicated to make the relationship work. People who love and suit you make your life easier and not more difficult, and no relationship that is going to work needs to be forced.

It is not enough to love someone: on balance, the good must outweigh the bad

How many times have we found ourselves justifying a bad relationship because “we love him”? It has probably happened to all of us at some time. The reality is that in relationships loving each other is not enough, and this is something that María learned thanks to her friends.

All relationships, especially long ones, go through good times and bad times. In all of them, we must make commitments and work on it. However, by putting everything on balance, that relationship should bring us more good than bad. As much as we love someone, if the relationship with that person brings us more bad things than good, it is surely not a healthy relationship for us.

Psychology Of Love: 7 Studies You Should Know

No one will doubt that love is a complex feeling that encompasses multiple aspects of human behavior and emotions and is therefore determined by a good number of variables (biological, social, cultural, psychological, religious…).

This circumstance has made it an object of study in many areas of human knowledge. Psychology has probably been one of the most prolific in terms of the number of investigations aimed at understanding it, thereby forming a body of knowledge that we could call “Psychology of love.”

As a consequence of this good number of studies, relevant conclusions have been obtained that should help us understand this complex feeling from scientific evidence, and therefore beyond belief or superstition. Here are some of them:

Love at first sight

It seems that at first, we look just under the eyes at some central point of the face. It is a look of just over 200 milliseconds that goes completely unnoticed and could be the beginning of something important.

Neuroimaging studies suggest that 12 different areas of the brain are involved in this act, in such a way that when we look or think of someone who attracts us, these areas release a cocktail of neurotransmitters (oxytocin, dopamine, vasopressin, and adrenaline) in the brain that provides us with a world of sensations.

Romantic love is overrated

We commented that the main characteristic of love as a feeling is its complexity. Consequently, a serious study of it must take into account its various dimensions.

It seems clear that passionate and romantic loves are not the only or the most important types of love for determining people’s happiness and well-being.

Love and desire, closer than far

The first meta-analysis, carried out to examine the differences between love and sexual desire at the brain level, has found more coincidences than might initially be expected.

The differences are more focused on the realization of the object of desire, in such a way that sexual desire could be understood as a feeling with a very specific objective. At the same time, love could be considered a state with a more abstract and less dependent objective than another person’s physical presence.

Kissing not only helps to choose

Two new studies on kissing have found that apart from their sensuality, kisses also help us choose our partners and keep them.

In one of these studies, women, particularly, rated the act of kissing as especially important, viewing kissing as an effective way to test a new partner.

But kissing is important at the beginning of the relationship, but it also seems to have great relevance in the maintenance of couples.

The researchers found a clear correlation between how often a couple kisses in the long term and the quality of their relationship. Interestingly, this same correlation was not observed with the frequency of sexual intercourse.

Long-distance relationships work

Contrary to popular belief, long-distance relationships can work, at least some recent research seems to reach that conclusion, which even speaks of closer ties in these types of relationships.

It seems that two factors help keep long-distance relationships alive:

  • More intimate information is shared with the other person.
  • There is a more idealized view of the couple.

This is not the only study that concludes that subjects who have long-distance relationships have similar and even higher satisfaction levels than geographically close lovers.

New relationships demand self-actualization

A few years ago, we demanded a stable relationship that would provide us with security and solidity. Now it seems that we direct our expectations more towards self-realization and personal growth.

Unfortunately, in the face of these new demands, couples do not invest the time and effort necessary to ensure that this growth is valued as sufficient.

The value of the little things

Considering that we live in a highly commercialized world, which can lead us to think that love can be bought and sold, it is worth remembering that it is often the little things that make the difference.

Bringing your partner a cup of coffee to bed, taking out the garbage, making dinner, or making him feel attractive can do a lot more for your relationship than a box of chocolates or a bouquet (but they don’t hurt either! ).